Truly Dauntless
by SheoShailene
Summary: No war- post divergent fourtris fluff. Its over used and the title sucks but i've read so many of these and I wanted to try my hand at it so dont hate me if it totally sucks okay. Rated M for safety.
1. Chapter 1

My fingers play with the hem of my shirt nervously as I walk down yet another poorly lit hallway that looks exactly like the other 10 I just went down. I eye each door as I pass, hoping I recognize the sign hung on the middle of it. At least then I wouldn't feel so lost. Hopelessly, tragically lost.

My meeting with the Erudite leaders and representatives must have ended half an hour ago and I still haven't managed to find my way to the front door of the compound. It's probably a good thing I didn't end up choosing this faction.

I turn another corner, expecting another poorly lit hallway, but instead I see a flash of blue before a body smacks into mine.

I regain my balance quickly, automatically grabbing the blue wall and steadying myself, but judging by the lump on blue on the ground before me, I would say the other guy wasn't as lucky. Blond hair emerges from the lump and a young boy, probably my age, gets to his feet in front of me. He adjusts his spectacles and turns his calculating gaze on me. He seems to draw a conclusion about me quickly," you're lost, aren't you?"

I nod a little, internally scowling at the fact that I need assistance from anyone, much less a bug eyed Erudite.

A warm, understanding smile spread across his face," I get it. I've been here for close to a year and I still can't find the dining hall without a map," he bends to pick up a square piece of glass that I hadn't notices before," I'm guessing you're trying to find the front entrance?"

I nod.

The glass illuminates with various colors that seem to shift and change as he taps different places on its surface. Finally, he turns it to me and I see that it is cracked in more places than one, probably from him dropping it.

"We're about right here," he says pointing to a spot amongst the blue lines that must represent halls on the map," and you're trying to get over here… so take the next right, then the second left after that, and you should be good to go."

"Thank you," I say as I meet his deep brown eyes.

He just smiles and nods before stepping around me and disappearing around the corner.

I make my way down the hall and around the first right hand turn I find. This hallway is a little brighter than the previous ones, so I hope that's a sign im headed in the right direction.

My mind wanders to the meeting I just left and I feel the panic return. Apparently, the Erudite have developed a new fear landscape serum that is supposed to make it easier for the Dauntless leaders to recognize Divergents. The serum is designed to stimulate certain portions of the brain, portions previously found to be associated with Divergence. IF these areas are functioning at high levels when the serum is injected, the body will react similarly to how it would if a bad infection had been detected, the heart will race, the blood pressure will rise, and the body temperature will skyrocket. The heart rate doesn't help much considering everybody heart will race when they are forced to face their deepest fears with an audience watching, but if the leaders keep an eye on the other two signs, then they will be able to tell if the initiate under the simulation is Divergent.

The Erudite are insisting that the Dauntless use the new serum in the upcoming initiation, and the leaders don't see any reason not to. The serum is expected to be delivered tomorrow, after the choosing ceremony, and will be used with the new group of initiates.

After taking the second left and walking down a particularly large hallway, I emerge into a bright, dome shaped room made almost entirely out of glass.

Judging by the position of the sun in the sky, I guess it's getting close to lunch time. Great. Christina will literally kill me if I don't make it back in time to eat with her.

"Beatrice?" a voice calls from the far side of the room and I look for the owner, confused that an Erudite knows my old Abnegation name.

A boy is walking in my direction and it takes me more than a few seconds to recognize him.

"Caleb?" I ask, examining his shaggy hair and large, round lenses carefully.

He pulls me into a hug when he gets close enough, and a pang of emotion hit me. We have never hugged before. Well, to be fair, I haven't hugged a large amount of guys in my life, but Caleb is my brother. How have I never hugged him before now?

"_Affection is Self- indulgent," _I hear my father's voice in the back of my mind and for the first time, im kinda glad Caleb transferred.

He releases me sooner than I want him to," Wow, Beatrice, how have you been?"

I watch his eyes travel around the room hungrily, looking for any information he can find. They land on me every few seconds, assuring me that he's listening, then continue to search the room. I wonder if this is a habit he's picked up since his transfer, or if he always looked around like this and I just never took the time to notice.

"I'm good, Caleb. Really good. And how are you?"

His eyes focus on my meaningfully," I'm Happy."

I smile at his words," I'm glad you're happy."

We just stand there for a moment, enjoying each other's presence and trying to figure out what to say next.

He speaks first, and I can't help but notice that his eyes have started wandering again," So what brings you to Erudite?"

"I'm actually a Dauntless Ambassador."

"Really? That's great, Beatrice."

There's another awkward silence and my eyes are drawn to the glass doors when a large figure in black Dauntless clothing walks in. He searches the room for a second before finding me and starting in my direction.

"There you are," he sounds relieved as he approaches," I was worried this was going to be a search and rescue."

I roll my eyes at his comment," Caleb, this is Zeke. Zeke, this is my brother, Caleb."

Zeke smiles and extends his hand in the common Dauntless greeting. I see Caleb's hesitation as he extends his own hand. Once a stiff, always a stiff.

"As much as I hate to break up this family reunion, I promised Four and Christina that I would get tris back to Dauntless before lunch. And, just between the three of us, I honestly don't know which one im more scared of," Zeke confesses.

I laugh and pull caleb into another hug. He squeezes my shoulders before looking my right in the eyes," Maybe I'll come visit you some time. I've always wondered what the Dauntless Compound was like."

I smile up at him," I would really like that, Caleb."

He nods and walks away.

Zeke makes an exasperated sound as we make our way out of Erudite," Why are stiffs always so awkward?"

I shake my head at his comment," We may be awkward, but im pretty sure this stiff can still back your ass."

He stays surprisingly quiet for the rest of our walk back.

**Hello. Its you're author here. Well I just wanted to thank you for reading my story. This is the first Divergent fic I've written so im just kinda testing the waters and seeing what I like and what I dont. So, to help me become a better author, please leave reviews. I'm begging you. I want nothing more than to know what you guys think of the story and where you want it to go because I have a general idea of how I want things to happen but im more than open to suggestions to make this story as good as it can be. I mean we're all in this fandom together so might as well help each other out, right? oh and if you have twitter, please follow me because my following is horrifically low at the moment thanks to me having to make a new account so follow me SheoShailene thanks!**

**and dont forget to leave a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

I'm not even halfway through the sliding glass doors that lead to the Control Room when Christina opens her mouth.

"Did you cry?" She asks, her back toward me.

"What?" I ask.

She spins her chair around so her back is to the monitor she was working on and faces me," When you got lost in Erudite, did you cry?"

"I wasn't lost… at least not for long…" I mumble as I fall onto the chair in front of the monitor that I know Tobias normally works on," A nice Erudite boy helped me."

"Yeah, right after she kicked his ass," Zeke chimes in as he walks through the double doors.

"Come on, Zeke. Tris would never do that," Christina insists," She probably just broke his glasses and threatened to rip up his notebook."

The two of them erupt into a fit of laughter and I just mindlessly spin in Tobias' chair.

Christina clears her throat once she's calmed down," We are clearly avoiding the important question here. The Erudite boy… was he cute?"

I scrunch my face and give her a look, to which she just holds up both hands in surrender.

"What are we talking about?" Tobias asks as he enters through the glass doors, holding a rather large box labeled _Spare Cameras._

"Tris talking to nice Erudite boys," Christina responds simply.

Tobias raises his eyebrows at me but I just smile in return.

"Oh, speaking of nice Erudite boys, your brother was pretty cool today, Tris," Zeke chimes in.

I shrug," Yeah, I guess. Honestly, it was weird seeing him. He's changed so much."

Tobias sets the large box on the desk beside his monitor," Well, you've changed a lot, too, you know."

I just shrug again before spinning around in the chair, not really wanting to talk about the strange boy that seems to have replaced by brother anymore.

"Speaking of change, have you decided if you're going to help train initiates, Tris?" Christina asks as she turns back to her monitor.

I stop spinning and glance up at Tobias, who is looking down at me with questioning eyes.

I nod a little, not breaking the eye contact," I'm gonna talk to Max about it when I stop by my office later. I don't think he'll have a problem with it, seeing as that would mean he would see more of Erik and less of me."

"And Four would see a lot more of you," Zeke wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Tobias winks at me and I feel the blood rushing to my face

" We should probably head to lunch soon…" I change the subject.

Zeke's jumps up and is out of the doors before anyone can even respond. Christina shuts down her monitor and turn to me," I know we had planned to eat together but Will got back from the fence this morning so…"

I shake my head," Don't worry about it. Enjoy your time with Will. And tell him that I expect a visit before he heads out again."

She smiles thankfully at me before turning and rushing out of the room.

I feel fingers wiggle their way between mine and look up to see Tobias beaming down at me. I open my mouth to ask him why he's staring but he pulls me out of the Control Room before I can even speak. We walk in comfortable silence until we pass the Dining hall without a hint of hesitation.

"Where the hell are we going?" I finally ask.

"My place," he responds casually, but I can see his muscles tense in anticipation of my reaction.

I glance back down the hall longingly," but im hungry."

"I snatched some cake from the hall earlier," he says simply.

"Is there a reason we can't eat in the dining hall?"

He stops in front of a door and I watch as he fumbles with the door knob for a second before finally shoving open the metal frame and revealing his apartment. He motions for me to enter first and I scan the messy room until I hear the door close and feel two arms snake around my waist.

Hot air tickles my ear and I hear his deep, husky voice," We can't eat in the dining hall because if we did I wouldn't be able to do this."

He unwraps his arms and whips me around so im facing him while keeping me in the circle of his arms. He leans his forehead against mine and lets his unusual blue eyes peer into my blue-grey ones.

I wrack my brain for something witty to say, but words seem so out of place now, so instead I just grab the back of his neck and press his lips to mine.

We stay like that for what feels like years, lips moving in sync, bodies touching, hands roaming hungrily in an attempt to get our fill of each other before we have to face the real world again.

I begin thinking that I could live in this moment forever, that I could live in Tobias forever, when the pressure of his lips disappears and his hands follow suit. I almost hiss at the loss of contact.

When I open my eyes, I see that he is locking the heavy metal door.

"Expecting a Visitor?" I ask.

He shakes his head," Not really. But it's not every day that I get you all to myself like this. And I'm not risking anybody interrupting."

I turn and make my way to this bed, hoping he doesn't notice the small blush creeping across my face.

He starts talking the second I flop on the bed," So you're really going to train initiates?"

I watch him grab two pre-made plates of Dauntless cake from his black fridge and I wonder if he planned to bring me back here all along, but I decide that it doesn't really matter because I want to be here as much as he wants me here," Yeah, I figure they'll need someone nice around if they're gonna have you as an instructor. Plus, the less interaction they have with Erik, the better."

He hands me one of the plates along with a shiny fork before shoveling a large piece of cake into his mouth," And you think you're nice?"

"Well, nicer than Four at least," I answer just before I scarfing down some of my own cake.

"Yeah, that dudes a real dick, isn't he?"

"You have no idea," I playfully nudge him in the shoulder and he lets out a boyish chuckle.

"I just hope he keeps his hands to himself. I would hate to have to open a can of whop ass on him for putting the moves on my girl."

I laugh. I mean I really laugh in that free, weightless way that only Tobias can make me laugh. And for a few seconds, while sitting on the bed, laughing with Tobias, I forget all about Erik, and the Erudite Serum, and even about Initiation.

I feel eyes on me and glance over to see blue eyes trained on me. I try to read his expression, but it's one I've never seen on him before, so I ask," What?"

"I have something I need to tell you."

The urgency worries me and I move to place my plate with my half-eaten cake on the night stand before giving him my undivided attention.

"I might be in love with you," He says without a hint of hesitation.

The world around me stops. Im fairly positive you could hear a pin drop in the silence that follows his words, but he doesn't seem to notice. He just lowers his voice and leans a little closer," I'm waiting until im sure to tell you, though."

"That sensible of you," I hear myself say, but I can't remember thinking the words," We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."

He chuckles, deep and sexy, and I feel the bed shift as he leans over to set his plate on the nightstand next to mine and settles a little closer to me," Maybe I'm already sure, and I just don't want to frighten you."

"Then you should know better," more words escape my mouth without permission and I feel the smooth skin of his cheek as my fingertips brush it lightly, an action I don't remember deciding on.

"Fine," he says," Then I love you."

Red flags shoot up all around me and everything inside of me is suddenly craving to leave. To get up and run away and never look back.

_You don't deserve this. You don't deserve him,_ my mind is shouting at me. _He's gonna find someone prettier some day and leave you in the dust. Get out while you can. Get out now._

But I don't wanna get out. I don't wanna leave.

I just want to stay right here and let him love me.

I pull his lips to mine and feel relief as they press together hungrily. His hands slide up and down my waist and the continuance of his touch chases the bad thoughts away. Chases the insecurity away. Chases the fear away.

Words bubble inside my mouth as our lips move, as we move, but saying them now seems a moot point and im not sure they'll sound right coming off my tongue, so instead I just kiss him and let my actions speak for me.

**Okay yeah this chapter was a little fluffy and cute but not everything will be so dont expect it! oh and dont expect me to update this often either. I just already had this part finished and I know that I look to see if stories have more than one chapter before I read them and idk I was bored and decided to post this but I think my normal post days will probably be Tuesday or Wednesday at least for a while but they might change when school starts again. **

**So keep the reviews coming PLEASE and I will see you lovely people on Tuesday when you get to hear all about choosing day yay.**


	3. Chapter 3

I set my fork down next to my plate of eggs as I hear four clear knocks on my apartment door, signaling that Tobias is here. At first, us deciding that he would always knock four times and I would always knock six was a joke, but I've actually found it very helpful knowing when its Tobias at my door opposed to someone else. Like now, instead of rushing around and trying to make myself look presentable, I walk to the door in the crop top and messy bun that I slept in and open it for him.

He closes it behind him and tosses a white paper bag on the counter by my eggs. Without a word, he wanders over to my dresser and starts pulling out clothes. I sit back down in front of my eggs and open the white bag, finding a blueberry muffin from the dining hall inside. I set it aside and quickly finish up my eggs, picking up my dishes and cleaning up my mess before walking toward my bed where Tobias is sitting next to a neatly folded stack of black clothes. I grab the stack and enter the bathroom to change and fix myself.

Once dressed, I come back out and flop in the bed, resting my head on Tobias' shoulder. His arm automatically wraps around my waist, pulling my closer to his side. His other hand finds its way under my chin, guiding my lips to his. The kiss is slow and sweet. So simple compared to the heated ones we've been sharing lately. I decide there's no point in thinking about which I like better.

He pulls away and I sigh. I wish we could stay here and kiss like that all day.

"You ready?" he asks, pushing himself off the bed.

I glance around my apartment, making sure everything is in place. Not finding anything wrong, I say," I guess."

He smiles and offers me his hand. I take it and let him pull me off the mattress. He leads me to the door and I grab the muffin he brought me earlier off the counter.

Our fingers remain interlocked and our bodies remain close together as we walk down the dark corridors. We talk and laugh and I shove bits and pieces of muffin into his mouth to make sure he's has something to eat. We cross the pit and enter the large clearing where the net that I jumped into on my first day as a Dauntless initiate.

Tobias drops my hand and I can feel his entire demeanor change as he morphs into instructor Four beside me. We were told the initiates would be arriving on the 10 o'clock train, which should be passing by the rooftop in about five minutes, so it was time to get in character. We agreed that we wouldn't reveal our relationship to our transfers until after initiation, partly because it's none of their business and partly because Tobias thought it would weaken our authority. I don't really see how, but I figure he knows what he's talking about and just go along with him.

He climbs onto the platform beside the net to assume his position next to Lauren while I take my spot next to Uriah in front of the chalkboard that we will write the order of jumpers on. Uriah has agreed to train the Dauntless-borns with Lauren.

The two of us make small talk until we hear the distant rumble of the train approaching.

"Show time," I hear him mumble under his breath as the rumbling gets louder and we hear a series of grunts and cries of pain as the initiates land on the rocky rooftop.

We all listen as Max explains their next task. We can practically hear their fear as they all wait for a brave soul to jump first.

I turn to Uriah, ready to make a snarky comment about the long wait, but am interrupted by the sound of a body hitting the net and bouncing back into the air. They didn't even scream.

Once the body has settled down, I recognize long blonde hair, a white shirt, and black pants. A Candor girl. Tobias offers his hand to her and she stumbles to her feet after being lifted out of the net.

"What your name?" he asks, his back toward me and his emotionless instructor voice echoing through the clearing.

I watch her eyes go wide as she notices what's in front of her," You're hot."

A few laughs escape the crowd of Dauntless watching and I see Tobias shift uncomfortably.

"What's your name?" he repeats, the annoyance obvious in his tine.

"O-Olivia," she stutters as a deep blush of embarrassment creeps across her face.

Tobias turns to me and Uriah," First jumper- Olivia."

Uriah writes the name rapidly on the board while the crowd cheers. Tobias turns to assist the next jumper, which appears to be an Erudite boy.

The crowd of cheering Dauntless grows thin as more initiates fall into the net. The Erudite boy was named Ryan, and he was followed by a couple of Candor boys, Andrew and Braedon. Next were three Dauntless-borns whose names I didn't bother to remember. Then an Amity boy named Christian, an Erudite girl named Josie, and another Candor girl named Elly. Finally two more Erudite boys, Joseph and Sam, an erudite girl, Jess, and six more Dauntless-borns.

After Tobias helps the last jumper out of the net, he climbs down from the platform and stands in front of the group of initiates. He gestures for me to join and him both Uriah and I rush to his side.

"Welcome to Dauntless," he begins, his voice so detached and controlled that I feel like im standing next to a total stranger," I'm four. This is Tris. We will be training the transfers."

I see one of the Candor boys, Andrew I think, open his mouth to comment on Tobias' name, but Lauren starts talking before he can get any words out," I'm Lauren and this is Uriah. We will be training the Dauntless-borns. Im assuming you guys don't need a tour of the place so follow us to the dorms. Transfers, follow Tris and Four."

Tobias extends his hand to me, expecting me to take in and intertwine our fingers, but quickly retracts it when he remembers our agreement. I see his cheek bones glow with a faint blush as he turns to walk down the hall. I fall into step with him easily, making sure I keep enough distance between us to appear just friends but not too much to raise suspicion.

We take a sharp left and I can hear the crashing of waves over he stomping of feet behind us. When we reach the source of the sound, I run my hands along the railing and peer into the rushing water below us. Memories rush to the surface: Christina dangling from the side as Eric times her, Peter holding me over the railing after the ranking for the second stage of training were released, Al's body being fished out of the bottom after I didn't forgive him for what he and peter did to me.

I become aware of the group of people behind me and suck in a deep breath, letting the air clear away the memories. Once my thoughts feel a little straighter, I turn and lean against the railing casually, hoping my moment of weakness could be misinterpreted as boredom. But, judging by Tobias' tense posture and concerned gaze, I wasn't fooling him.

I take his silence as a sigh to speak," This is the Chasm. It reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. One misguided tumble over the side and you're done for. It's happened before…"

"And it will happen again," Tobias finishes, his words directed more toward me than toward the initiates. I know it's his way of telling me to pull myself together before the initiates pick up on my fear and stop taking me seriously, but im still annoyed by his remark.

"This way to the pit," he continues, making a gesture for them to follow him," it may not look like much now, but you'll learn to love it."

I let the initiates go in front of me so I can gather my thoughts without an audience. I hate the fact that Tobias looks at me as a ticking time bomb because of what happened with Al, but at the same time I can't say that I blame him. I haven't exactly been the most stable person over the past 11 or so months. In fact, today was the first time I've even set foot near the chasm since initiation ended.

But I plan to show Tobias that, though his concern for my mental health is cute, it is unnecessary.

As we reach the bottom of the pit, I notice several kids running around on the narrow paths a dozen or so feet in the air above us. They seem to be playing tag, a game we never got to play in abnegation because to play it would be self-indulgent. The Amity boy, Christian, tenses in front of me as he watches them. He must have a soft spot for kids. That's actually kinda cute.

"Tris!" Will's voice comes from somewhere over my left shoulder but I don't bother finding it. It doesn't take long for him to catch up to me and hoist me in the air with ease. He spins me around multiple times before deciding I've suffered enough and placing me back on the safe ground. I have to hurry a little to catch up with Tobias and the Initiates, but Will's long strides match my pace easily as we talk about his job out at the fence and how the transfers are looking this year. We stay far enough back from the stragglers of the group so we can't be heard, and he keeps an arm slung lazily over my shoulder, most likely taking it upon himself to play my boyfriend in the "Tris and Four aren't Dating" scenario that im sure christina was more than happy to fill him in on.

By the time we reach the dorms and Will says his goodbyes, I've decided that, if we were attracted to each other in any way, Will and I would make a great couple. It's really a shame if you think about it.

Tobias tells the initiates to change out of their old faction clothing and head to the dining hall when they are finished. My eyes widen as I glance at my watch and realize it's almost 7 PM.

Tobias and I walk to the dining hall in silence, not wanting to risk giving ourselves away. I wait for him to grab my hand and tug me toward his apartment again with promises of cake and a long kiss or two, but, of course, it doesn't happen. As we enter the hall, his hand finds its way to the small of my back, a casual and friendly gesture, as he tells me to take a seat while he grabs us some food.

I sit down next to Zeke, who is deep in conversation with Will across the table about some weapon they have started using out at the fence. Christina is watching Will with so much desire and love that it makes me crave Tobias' touch even more. I just stay quiet and take a sudden interest in the table in front of me until food is placed in my line of sight and Tobias slides into the spot next to me. I feel fingers brush against the back of my hand under the table, and turn it so its palm up, practically begging them to lace themselves through mine. They don't.

A group of transfer girls take a seat on the other side of Tobias and feel him scoot closer to me involuntarily, only to scoot away when he remembers our deal. I curse the fucking deal under my breath.

The girls erupt in obnoxious laughter, clearly trying to gain the attention of their hunky instructor, but he is too busy staring off into space and playing with something in his pocket to notice them.

I finish my food and brush Tobias' shoulder as I get up to throw away my trash, hoping he gets the message to swing by my place when he's done.

No more than 10 minutes later, I hear four clear knocks on my door and open it to reveal him leaning casually against the door frame, tall and strong as ever. I stick my head out into the hall to see if anyone was around, and pull him through the door quickly when I see the coast is clear.

I quickly close and lock the heavy metal door before turning around and pulling Tobias to me hastily. Our lips slam into each other and it doesn't take more than a few seconds for him to take control of the kiss. His large hands find either side of my face to hold me in place. The kiss is long, slow, and overflowing with the desire I felt for him all day. My hands slip under the hem of his shirt and he instantly pulls away and tugs the fabric over his head. He grabs the bottom of my shirt and I put my arms straight up so he can pull it off, leaving me in a skin tight black undershirt that shows off my crows.

Our lips meet again. I can feel my skin burning everywhere it touches his and before I can process what's happening, he has me pressed against the wall with his fingers slipping under my waist band teasingly.

I groan against him and pull away, knowing that's as far as I can let it go right now. Tobias understands, but he still ducks his head and kisses along my crows for a second before pushing off the wall and completely breaking our contact.

He speaks first, mostly because I'm still trying to catch my breath," Glad to know you wanted to do that just as much as I did."

I try to speak but nothing comes out. He smirks at my silence and snatches his shirt up from where it had been discarded on the floor.

He starts toward the door, preparing to pull the shirt back over his head," Goodnight, Tris. See you in the morning."

I push off the wall suddenly and hurry between him and the door. Luckily, my voice starts working again," Stay here. Please."

He eyes me for a second before nodding. He still moves to put his shirt back on, but I step forward and grab his arms before he can. He watches me carefully as I rock onto my toes and plant a series of kisses along his collar bone.

He must drop his shirt again because I feel his hands on my waist almost immediately. They slowly migrate lower and lower as I suck on the skin at the base of his neck.

Finally, I feel one large hand find its way to my butt while the other rests on my hip. A laugh bubbles up inside of me as I think about how strange the contact feels and how an abnegation would feel about it. I try to keep it inside, but as the other hand plants itself on a cheek, I have to let it out.

I stop my work on his neck long enough to let out a few hardy laughs. I feel him shake with laughter in my arms," Seriously, Tris?"

I laugh harder and bury my face in his neck," Sorry."

He hasn't moved his hands and I wonder what it feels like to touch someone's butt so I run my finger down his spine, causing him to shiver against me, and let my hand rest on his ass.

He laughs loudly before ducking his head to my ear," Like what you feel?"

"I do, actually," I give him a little squeeze and look up at him.

He chuckles and presses his lips to mine for half a second before untangling himself from my grasp. I groan, wanting to feel his skin against mine for a little while longer, and watch him throw together a make shift bed on the floor next to my real one.

I open my mouth, preparing to tell him that he can take the big one and ill sleep on the ground, but he shakes his head before I can talk and I know that fighting with him over this is useless. I crawl under the covers and watch Tobias turn out the light. I feel the bed dip as he sits on the edge of it. His fingers find my face in the dark and he runs his knuckles over my jawline before leaning forward and kissing my forehead.

"Goodnight, Tris,' he mumbles against my skin," I love you."

I close my eyes, taking in his scent and his words. He pulls away much too quickly. There's some shuffling as he situates himself on the floor, followed by the sound of his slow breaths. They become slower as he drifts off to sleep, and I try to match mine to his. I finally drift off, letting his presence comfort me.

**Okay, first things first, I lost the second half of this chapter two times and had to rewrite it so I know it really sucks but I tried my hardest to recreate the story I had before I lost it but you know how that goes so im sorry about that.**

**Second, yeah I changed the title a little bit so dont get too confused... I just thought Truly Dauntless was slightly better so yeah sorry about any confusion.**

**Third, I wanna address a comment on the last chapter about wanting it to lead into a lemon and let me just say patience. I am most definitely planning on having at least one fourtris sex scene okay and ill try my best to not make it cheesy and whatnot. But because I dont want it to be cheesy, I cant do it quite yet because I dont get a "ready for sex" vibe from them yet. So yeah im trying to lead up to it and make it like a huge deal because, well, to them it is a huge deal. So yeah, moral of the story, sex scene is on its way. Just be patient.**

**Fourth and final point: I totally lied about my twitter handle so yeah if you wanna be amazing and go follow me there my name is actually TobiasEverlark yeah sorry I had some account trouble and changed it so yeah. **

**Anyway, ill be on vacation next week but I will try to update on Tuesday as usual and ill let you guys know if that changes for any reason.**

**and dont forget to leave a review!**


	4. Chapter 4

"Initiation is divided into three stages. The first is Physical. The second is Mental." Tobias pauses for dramatic effect and I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing," And the third is Emotional."

I set down the chalk I was using and turn away from the board covered in rankings," At the end of each stage, you will be ranked according to your achievements. The rankings listed now are based on the order in which you jumped off the building yesterday. Some stages are worth more than others, so it is very possible to increase your rank after stage 1, but not easy."

"At the end of stage 1," Tobias continues for me, stopping his pacing long enough to stand by me in front of the board," the two lowest ranking initiates will be factionless."

Worried whispers rise from the group, but I ignore them." Final rankings will be announced after the third stage is over and you have completed the final test. You will be competing with the Dauntless-borns for these. The top ten will be welcomed into Dauntless."

"And the rest will be asked to leave," Tobias concludes.

A heavy silence falls over the room while the possibility of them becoming factionless sinks in.

"Today," I try to keep my tone light to ease some of the tension," We will teach you how to throw knives. Tomorrow, how to shoot a gun. Then we will spend 3 days on hand to hand combat."

"Then, we will assign you on opponent and the fight for the first stage rankings begins," Tobias walks past me to approach the table of throwing knives, whispering a small," literally," as he passes.

A strange half laugh escapes my mouth and I have to clear my throat a couple times in a desperate attempt to cover it. He grabs three knives off the table and positions himself in front of the demonstration target that we came in early to set up.

"Legs shoulder width apart," he instructs himself," shoulders square to the target. Inhale, aim. Exhale, throw."

He takes a deep, overly dramatic breath, sucking in slowly and releasing even slower before chucking the first knife toward the slab of wood.

It sticks directly in the center. He always makes this look so easy.

"Your turn," he says as he approaches the target and removes the knife," One person to a target. Throw until I tell you to stop."

All the bodies turn to find a target and I watch as Tobias lines himself up to throw again. He squares his shoulders and arranges his feet. He's halfway through releasing his deep breath when he notices me leaning against the giant metal support beam and eyeing him. He raises his eyebrow in my direction and I shrug my shoulders, letting a smirk twist my face before I turn to see if any of the initiates need help.

Everyone seems to be doing fine, well if you can consider hitting neighboring targets and occasionally not hitting a target at all to be fine. I have decided to use a mostly hands off approach for the first stage. It's better if they work through the kinks by themselves instead of having pesky instructors all over them.

Speaking of hands off approaches, we're barely 5 minutes into the second day of initiation and I can already see that this whole pretending we aren't in a relationship thing is not going to work for me and Tobias. At least not for me. Honestly I don't get it because we really aren't big on public affection to begin with. As in, we hesitate to hold hands as we're walking down the halls.

That being said, I can't deny that things have been a bit more… heated… lately.

My mind wanders to his hands creeping under my waistband while we kissed last night. The ache the contact sent through my body. The deep rooted desire to-

"So how are the transfers doing?" Uriah's sudden voice causes me spasm and slam my head against the metal beam behind me. He chuckles as I rub my skull and I can see Tobias laughing from where he still stands in front of the demo target.

I shoot them both glares and turn my attention to the nearest initiate, an Erudite girl named Josie. Instead of answering Uriah's question, I watch her square her hips, spreading them a little too wide for her slender frame in an attempt to perfectly mimic her instructors form. She takes a deep breath, draws the knife back by her ear, and launches it toward the target as she exhales. It hits the center, but doesn't stick.

I push off the support and close the space between us. By the time she notices my presence, she is halfway through her inhale. She seems a little worried, like she thinks I might hit her or something, so I take a small step back to show I mean no harm.

"Keep your feet closer together. You're hips are narrow, so when you try to spread them out like that, it takes away all your power."

She eyes me a second before shuffling her feet in closer and drawing in another breath. She throws the knife and it sticks for a moment, but falls to the ground with a clash after a few seconds.

"Here, like this," I position myself as if Im about to throw right beside her. She seems to take in my form for a second before trying to mimic it. She's really close, except she seems to be keeping her weight too far forward, which is making her hips jut out and keeping them wide.

I abandon my example and move to touch her. She seems to flinch away from me for a second and I almost stop to ask her if she's okay but before I can she hesitantly moves closer to me so I can arrange her. I place my hands on her hips and pull them back toward me so they are directly under her shoulders.

"See. Now try." I take a step back so she can throw her last knife. She hesitates for a long moment and I notice that her entire body seems to be moving up in down as she tries to slow her breathing enough for her to focus on the target. It takes several seconds for her to accomplish this and I can't help but wonder what I did to make her this scared of me. When she has finally composed herself enough to throw, it lands a little to the right of the target, but at least it sticks.

She turns and tries to give me a thankful smile, but it comes out weaker and more pained than I imagine she intended. I flash a smile back in return and make my way back to Uriah, who has not moved from beside my perch on the support beam.

"That was weird," he says, gesturing to Josie who is now shaking her head back in forth as if to clear it," It looked like she expected you to rip her in half or something."

I shrug my shoulders and ask him how the dauntless-borns are doing. He hesitates.

"I'm worried for a couple of them."

"You mean you don't think they'll make it past initiation?" I ask dumbly.

"No, Tris," He shifts his weight so he can lean a little closer to me, "I mean im worried for them."

I nod. Tobias told me about Uriah's divergence. That was part of the reason I convinced him he should train initiates. I figured the more Divergent instructors, the more in coming Divergents we can safely migrate into Dauntless.

"Tell Four. He can keep an eye out when we get to the simulation stage. He knows enough tricks to get around it. I'm sure they'll all be fine."

He shakes his head slightly," Max told me and Lauren today that they're using a new simulation serum. He said it's designed to-"

"Find the divergent." I finish for him. I can't believe I forgot all about the two hour treacherous meeting with the Erudite that I had just two days ago.

He gives me a strange look before nodding.

I run my fingers through my hair and push off the metal support beam harshly. My sudden movement catches Tobias' attention across the room where he is helping a Candor boy pull his knives off the target. He sends me a questioning look, his eyebrows drawing down and his forehead wrinkling a little with worry.

I push aside the thoughts of puppies that the expression reminds me of and mouth the word "later."

He nods a little but his expression doesn't change. Our eyes remain locked as I let some of my stress and fear pass through the air between us so I don't have to bare it all on my own. The initiate he was helping says something to him and he snaps his head away from me. I know we looked at each other too long, that anyone who had seen us would know something was going on between us, but I'm pretty sure no one was watching us.

When I turn back to Uriah he has a smug look on his face. "What?" I ask.

"You and Four should stop having eye sex and start having real sex."

His comment both annoys and embarrasses me so I storm away quickly before he can he the blood rushing to my cheeks. I make small comments on form and power to a couple of the initiates, but my mind is back in the Erudite compound. How are we supposed to protect Divergents against a serum that we don't know anything about? And what's going to happen to the ones they catch?

I groan out loud and Olivia glares at me over her shoulder, probably mistaking my frustration for annoyance toward her struggle to hit the center of the target. I just take a step back and role my eyes. I'm not a huge fan on her. And not just because she has been drooling over Tobias since she untangled herself from the net.

Tobias. I have to explain the serum and the side effects and the possible outcomes to him. It will probably take most of the night. Not that I would mind if it did.

I picture myself in his bed, with his arms around me as I talk and talk about serums and dimly lit blue hallways. I imagine his arms tightening around me, his jaw clenching as he promises he'll fix things. He'll make things better. He always does.I fantasize about his lips on mine as he tries to relieve my stress in the one way that he knows he can: through touch. Our lips and bodies move together as I let everything around me slip away until the only thing im aware of is him. His skin, his lips, his heart beat, his-

"Tris!" His voice pulls me back into reality and I find him looking at me strangely. I blush bright red as I realize all the initiates are watching me as well. Oh god. I can only imagine what I looked like while I was-

"Can you throw a few? I think watching you might help some of the girls get a better idea of what to do," Tobias' voice is casual but he is still watching me like he expects me to explode.

I think up words to say, but my mouth doesn't want to speak them so instead I just nod and walk over to where he is standing across from the demo target. He hands me three knives as I approach and our fingers brush against each other during the exchange. He doesn't seem to notice the contact, but it causes a knot to form in the bottom on my stomach.

_Just 6 more hours, Tris. Then you can touch him all you want. Just 6 more hours._

I line myself up to throw, holding tight to the promise of Tobias' lips on mine and his body in my arms.

**Hey guys!**

**So like i said last week, i am on vacation! I managed to finish this chapter before we left so it was ready for me to post today but im not sure ill be able to finish next weeks update on time... But im really going to try okay. I wont get home until late on saturday and then i really have to work sunday and then monday i have a dentist appointment and we're getting new phones so yeah things are gonna be hectic but im hoping ill find enough downtime to at least get a little something to post for chapter 5!**

**And can i ask a favor? Can you guys post more reviews please? its just, i love reading them and they really motivate me to keep going with this story and post on time and whatnot so if you guys could post more of them, that would be seriously amazing! They don't have to be brilliant, just a little something to tell me what you're thinking while you read. I seriously love reading them.**

**Okay i think thats all i needed to tell you so enjoy this chapter and dont be afraid to leave a review :)**


	5. Chapter 5

My arm brushes Tobias' as I slide into the empty seat beside him at the large dining table. He puts his arm around my waist protectively. I guess he's feeling a little on edge after the conversation we had last night. Christina clears her throat from her spot on the opposite side of him and he reluctantly slides his arm off.

Our small group is silent. Not awkward silent, though, more of a comfortable, thoughtful silent. We are all stressing over our own problems at the moment. Uriah over the potentially Divergent dauntless-borns. Tobias over the potential use of the new serum. Christina over Will leaving for the fence again in a few days. Zeke and Shauna over whatever thing they have going on. Me over my inability to keep the thoughts about Tobias at bay throughout the day.

I finish my muffin in peace. But right as I move to grab my fork for the rest of my breakfast, Zeke and Uriah simultaneously burst into hysterical laughter.

The rest of us watch them curiously, and once it becomes apparent that they aren't going to let us in on the joke, Tobias speaks up, "What's so funny?"

They both laugh harder and I notice that their eyes seem to keep flashing to me between gasps for breath. "What?" I ask, tugging the sleeves of my long sleeve V-neck so they cover my palms and crossing my arms over my chest self-consciously.

Zeke gains his composure first, "Can I ask you a question?"

I decide he is talking to me and nod.

"What did you do last night?"

His words confuse me. "Uh… After dinner, Four and I went back to his place and talked."

Uriah laughs harder.

"Talked? Is that it?" Zeke continues.

"Oh my god," Christina chimes in and suddenly she is sitting in the previously vacant seat beside me, her interest in the situation only confusing me more. Her thin fingers grab my chin and tilt my head back at an awkward angle so she can inspect my neck. "Oh my god! Tris has a hickey!"

My jaw drops and I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, "What!?"

She holds up a spoon so I can see my reflection in it. Everything looks normal. My hair is pulled back, my pale skin is pulled tight over my features giving me a distinctly tired look, and just below my jaw on the right side of my neck in plain sight is a red-ish purple-ish-

OH. MY. GOD.

MY head snaps around to look at Tobias and he flinches like a wounded puppy, but his eyes are alert and defensive.

"Okay, before you yell, Im sorry. I got caught up in the moment and, I don't know, I guess I thought you wouldn't really mind."

"THOUGHT I WOULDN'T MIND? FOUR, I-"

"Tris," Christina whispers as she puts a hand on my arm. I turn toward her, ready to scold her for not letting me scold Tobias, but something in her expression stops me. Her jaw is tight, her brows furrowed, and her eyes are locked directly on a point just over my head. I follow her gaze to find Max, flanked by Eric and Peter, who happily took a government position after initiation. The three of them are standing up on one of the tables toward the unofficial front of the room. Something about the sight feels wrong and I can feel my insides twisting with anxiety.

Rough, callused skin brushes again my hand and I grab it desperately, turning my body to shield our contact from the initiate table.

A series of stomps and bangs draws the attention of everyone in the hall. All conversation stops as everyone waits for our leader to speak.

"I am aware," Max's voice booms, filling the hall effortlessly without any form of speaker system, " that there have been some rumors circulating regarding a potential new fear landscape serum and the possible effects that it might have on this year's initiation, as well as the lives of existing Dauntless members. We are here to set the record straight."

Everyone seems to shift uncomfortably, leading me to believe the so-called rumors haven't circulated nearly as much Max implied they had.

"The serum is real. The Erudite created it in hopes of finding a way to better simulate a real life situation in which one might have to truly face their biggest fears. It is said to heighten the emotions of the subject, ones commonly associated with fear and stress. By increasing desperation and grief and other emotions of the kind, we believe we will be able to better determine how a person would react in a real life situation of such nature."

I bite my lip to keep from scoffing at the watered down description. The clearly Erudite crafted speech sounds awkward and wrong coming out of Max. I wonder how many times he had to read through the words before he memorized them. Tobias squeezes my hand.

"We see no reason that the serum should not be used in the current initiation. We feel it will help us to pick even better soldiers to ensure that our city is safe. This being said, however, we are aware of the likely skepticism of the people when something of like this is introduced. We are also aware of the potential for error if our administrators are not familiar with the equipment. To pacify these two problems, we are asking that all current members of our faction go under the new serum and enter their fear landscapes."

Silence. Deafening silence. It's clear that nobody wants to go through their landscapes again. But it's also clear that they don't have much of a choice. Tobias and Uriah exchange a greatly weighted glance before they rest their eyes on me. We are all thinking the same thing.

"The landscapes will begin tomorrow. Initiation instructors will go first. They will be expected to be at in the landscape room by 7:00 in the morning for instruction on how to run the simulation. After their training and landscapes are complete, members will be expected to arrive at the landscape room based on their given time slot. A breakdown of the time slots will be posted in this hall in the morning. Anyone who fails to show up to their time slot will be punished appropriately. Thank you."

The three of them hop down from the table and walk out of the hall casually. Too casually. Nobody speaks for seconds. But slowly, conversations start popping up around the hall until the normal rumble of voices occupies the air.

The sound is morphed, as if I am listening to it through really crappy headphones. My entire body seems to have gone numb and for a moment I wonder if I am paralyzed with fear.

A voice, closer than most of the others, comes through the headphones and I recognize it as Tobias', even though it sounds deeper and louder than I remember. Uriah's voice answers back. I feel like I should say something, feel like they're talking to me, but my mouth isn't working. The world has faded to colors and vague lines before my eyes, but I am able to detect movement to my left just before Tobias' touch moves from my hand to bicep as he helps me out of my seat and drags me toward the initiates.

"Time for training." His voice is stern and professional. Focused. Seemingly unaffected by the fact that his and mine and Uriah's and who even knows who else's safety has just been pulled out from under our feet. He releases my arm and, though im fairly certain I didn't tell them to, my feet fall into step with his as we lead our small pack of initiates toward the training room.

As we walk, the fog that consumes my thoughts grows a little weaker. The crappy headphones are replaced with higher quality ones and I listen the comforting sound of multiple set of feet hitting the rock. It reminds me of my Choosing Day, so similar to the sound of my old faction as we walked up the stairs as one unit.

We reach the training room and Tobias immediately starts handing out guns. We have to teach them to shoot inside this year because the weather is horrid. I watch as he shows them how to load, aim, and fire. He goes through the motions one more time, a little slower than the first so everyone can see what he's doing, then he turns them loose to work out the kinks on their own.

I watch them struggle, remembering how foreign the heavy metal contraption felt in my hands just a year ago. Tobias approaches and stands beside me, too far for my liking. He folds his arms over his chest and sets his face into the semi-critical, semi-concerned look that I have started to accept as his norm when inside the large metal room. We don't talk. The air between us is charged, and I let it recharge me.

Tobias is Divergent.

The thought hits me like a bucket of cold water. Of course, I was aware of this the entire time and im pretty sure I even thought about it once or twice during our walk from the dining hall but I hadn't fully processed what it meant.

Tobias is Divergent.

And he is in just as much danger as me.

I pinch the skin on the inside of my wrist as a weak form of punishment. I was so busy thinking about myself and the high possibility of my impending doom that I hadn't even considered that my boyfriend, the guy I love, is facing his impending doom as well.

_The guy I love._

I know it's true the second I think it. I love Tobias. I just haven't told him yet. Why haven't I told him yet?

I glance sideways at him. His magnificent blue eyes meet mine.

I know why I haven't told him yet.

Because he is tall and strong and handsome. Because he is everything I could ever ask for and more. Because he is a better person than I could ever dream of being. And because he is, simply put, completely and totally out of my league.

I shove my hands into my pockets to keep from touching him. Touching him won't do either of us any good right now.

A body comes from behind me and I recognize it as Uriah without even turning my head. He crosses his arms as well, mimicking Tobias' posture with ease. I almost forgot how mature he has become over the past year.

Uriah is Divergent, too.

Yet another life that I forgot to worry about.

"So," he speaks, his voice hard," What are we gonna do?"

Tobias shakes his head. I shrug my shoulders.

Uriah just nods.

The three of us stand in silence for another minute or two before Tobias walks away to help an initiate whose inability to anticipate the backfire of the gun is getting close to causing a safety hazard.

Once he's gone, I let loose the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I guess, even after a year, a part of me still see's Tobias as the instructor whom I have to impress to keep my stop in the faction.

"How are you holding up?" Uriah asks. Judging by the new calm in his voice, I'd say he's still impressing his instructor Four, too.

"I'm fine. Better than I was 20 minutes ago. Though I don't see any possibility of me getting any sleep tonight. How about you?"

"About the same," he shifts a little so he can talk quieter and still be heard," Look, Zeke is having a party- er maybe party isn't the right word… a get-together?- and- im not saying you should- but if you wanna do something tonight to maybe, you know, get your mind off of it…"

His voice trails off and I turn my head to really look at him for the first time since he got here. He has his own mask, one that makes him appear wise and strong beyond his years, but underneath it I can see traces of... nerves?

"I'll think about it," I say as I turn back to the initiates.

"And Four can come, too. If he wants."

I nod.

We're both silent for another second.

"I should probably go," he says," Lauren is probably going insane dealing with all those initiates by herself."

I nod again and he disappears.

I watch Tobias help a couple more initiates before he comes back over to stand by me.

"So," he starts," I was thinking. After training we can skip the dining hall and head back to my place. I know im not a master chef but I do make a mean grilled cheese, so we won't starve. And maybe on the way we can stop by the pit and rent a movie or something?"

I hesitate.

"Or we can do whatever sounds good to you. Plans aren't set in stone, right?"

I smile at the nervous tone that's creeping into his voice," Your plan sounds amazing. It really does."

"But?"

I sigh," But don't you think we're both gonna need a good night's sleep if we're gonna be going through our fear landscapes in the morning?"

His shoulders sag a little and I immediately regret my words. Honestly, the plan he came up with sounds unbelievably perfect. But I need to loose myself if I'm going to have any hope of sleeping tonight. And not the kind of loose myself that I can do with Tobias. The kind that sits at the bottom of a bottle that I know Zeke will be more than willing to provide me with at his party tonight.

"We'd get a good night's sleep," he offers.

I laugh a little," cause we've been sleeping so well the past few nights. We both know what would happen after the movie was over."

He smiles," and would that be such a bad thing?"

"Any other night? No. But we need to be fully rested and prepared for the landscapes tomorrow if we're going to have any chance of not getting caught."

"Yes, sir, instructor Tris," He says in a mocking tone," Just know that I sleep better when you're around, so if I get thrown off the side of the chasm because you didn't stay the night with me, it's on your conscience."

I punch his arm. Hard. "Don't even joke about that!"

He just laughs and resumes watching the initiates. I notice a couple of the boys closest to us, Joseph and Sam, are looking over at me and laughing.

"What do you think that's about?" I ask Tobias, motioning toward them.

He shrugs, "It may or may not have something to do with that _horrible_ bruise on your neck."

And with a small smirk and a sexy chuckle, he runs off to help an initiate, leaving me to scowl at him from a far, secretly planning my revenge.

If we survive long enough for me to get revenge.

**OKAY BEFORE YOU YELL AT ME LET ME EXPLAIN**

**so like I said last time I was on vacation and didn't have a whole lot of time to work on this chapter so it wasn't ready on Tuesday when I was supposed to update. I really tried to get it done last week at least so the update would only be a few days late, but for some reason I had the absolute hardest time writing this chapter. Like I dont even know what was so hard about it but I literally restarted like 4 or 5 times over the past two weeks.**

**Anyway I finally finished it like literally 5 minutes ago so if there are more typos than usual im sorry I didn't get to review it as much as I normally do.**

**Okay now for the second order of business. This story is up to over 300 readers this month. And I've only updated once this month, not including this update. So this story is actually closer to 500 or 600 readers total. I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT.**

**You guys are seriously the best.**

**And I would also like to thank you guys for the amazing reviews and comments this story is getting! I loved hearing what you guys thought about the story and what things you like and what things you don't like and, if we're being honest, its the reviews that helped me get through these two weeks of spinning my wheels and getting absolutely no where with this chapter, so thank you guys so much is actually means the entire world to me that you guys like the story.**

**Oh and for all of you complementing my writing skills specifically: THANK YOU SO MUCH THAT IS THE MOST AMAZING THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY SAY AND I LOVE YOU.**

**On a completely unrelated note: how many of you have read Four? BECAUSE IT IS BEYOND AMAZING OKAY.**

**Okay last but not least, please continue to leave the reviews because, like I said, I love reading them and I really want to know what you guys think so I can continue to make this story and ultimately myself as a writer better. I really love writing and I really love writing for this site specifically I want all of you to love this story as much as I do. **

**So yeah. Until next week.**


	6. Chapter 6

I press the fleshy part of my hand against my forehead as the door opens to reveal too bright lights and too loud noises. I can vaguely make out the shapes of benches and, sitting on those benches, people.

A tall figure across the room stands quickly as I take a couple steps through the door and let it slam behind me. It makes a terrible noise and causes pain to shoot from one side of my head to the other and I wish I hadn't let it do that.

The figure approaches me in three long strides and I am engulfed in black fabric and a very welcoming smell. I know that smell. I know I do. But I can't seem to place it in my mind.

I bury my face in the fabric anyway, welcoming the darkness it creates instead of the harsh white of the room. My arms wrap around the figure's waist absently, and the contact feels right.

"You scared the crap out of me." The vibration against my cheek leads me to believe that the deep, tense voice is coming from the figure holding me. I know that voice. I know…

I am jolted backward and held at arm's length. From here, I can make out the contour of the figure's face and I am slowly able to piece things together in my mind. The figure is Tobias. Tobias Eaton. My boyfriend.

Boyfriend. Such a stupid word to use when referring to Tobias. He's so much more than just my boyfriend. He's-

His hands squeeze my shoulders and I realize that he seems to be waiting for something. But what?

I think to ask him, but my vocal chords feel heavy and stale.

He squeezes me again. I fight against the feeling that I am underwater and manage to croak out a small," what?"

"I said," He starts, the annoyance clear in his voice," Where the hell were you this morning?"

I focus on his face, or what I can make out of it, hoping that the words will magically pull themselves together in my mind so I can understand them. But honestly, focusing just makes the pain worse.

"Tris?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowing. His eyebrows. Hey, that's an improvement, I couldn't see those a few seconds ago.

I open my mouth and do the only thing my mind can manage: word vomit. "I just- I think i- I mean- i- I woke up and-i-i-I can't really…remember- but i-"

Something wraps around my bicep and I can feel myself being tugged in some direction but im not sure which one. The painfully white light abruptly turns into a much more manageable blue glow that I recognize from the dim dauntless hallways.

I sigh with relief. The light still hurts and the distant sounds of footsteps and chatter coming from the pit still pound against my skull, but it's much better out here than in that little room.

I look around, wondering how I got here and why im just standing around when I should be training initiates or meeting with leaders of other factions. My eyes land on Tobias, who I had forgotten all about. That's right, he dragged me out here. And judging by the look on his face, which is much easier to see out here in the dim lighting, he is not happy with me.

"Tris," his voice is quiet and precise. Red flags shoot up everywhere inside my brain but I don't really know why," Are you drunk?"

The word drunk pulls me a lighter farther out of the haze and I find myself clearing my throat and straightening my posture.

"She's not drunk," I flinch away from the entirely too loud voice, causing my head to slam into the rock wall behind me. I groan in pain but nobody seems to notice. "At least, she's not anymore."

Something silver and shiny appears right in front of my face. A flask. I take it happily with the hand that isn't rubbing my injured cranium.

"This should help," the new voice is lower now and I force myself to look up at its owner, Zeke." Oh and you may want these."

An oddly shaped black object. Sunglasses. I grab them quickly and put them on, sighing happily as they ease the pain just a little more. I pop open the flask and take a deep gulp. The taste isn't familiar, but the burning sensation down the back of my throat is. The feeling isn't as strong as last night and, given my knowledge of all things Zeke, I assume this alcoholic remedy is meant to cure my hangover.

"You got my girlfriend drunk!?" Tobias yells and I cover my ears with my hands. Well, one hand and one flask.

"No," Zeke stays calm and keeps his voice quiet," I just… _helped _your girlfriend get drunk."

I take another swig of the liquid and notice that the blurry edges of my vision are slowly becoming sharper.

"Look, she showed up at my party last night. Said she wanted to get her mind off the landscapes. I didn't blame her. I mean, that's pretty much why I had the party to begin with. Anyway, I wasn't about to let her experiment with the drinks herself. Or worse, let her take advice from some sleazebag who wanted to get her tipsy so he could get in her pants. I figured, with my guidance, she could get far enough gone that she could forget, without losing all judgment and ending up with a major hangover."

Another swig. More clarity. Zeke really is an alcohol master.

"Yeah?" Tobias' voice is lower now. Not dangerously low, but considerately low. I guess he finally realized that im not a fan of loud right now. "And how well did that work out?"

Zeke shrugs," I may have miscalculated. It's hard to tell with a girl her size. One minute they're fine and the next they're dancing on a table with their shirt off."

"Oh god," Tobias looks at me for the first time in a while and im relieved that I can now make out his blue eyes in their deep set sockets," She didn't dance on any tables, did she?"

I feel compelled to answer, probably because he was looking in my direction when he asked the question, but I realize that I don't know the answer. Oh.

"No," Zeke chuckles," she tried to, though. I had to keep her close to me most of the night to make sure she stayed out of trouble. She asked for you. A lot actually. I finally just had to tell her that you were on your way so she would shut up. At one point she said a few particularly… naughty things about some guy named Tobias. Is that an ex-boyfriend or something?"

My eyes widen at his words but Tobias just bites back a laugh," or something."

"I figured. Sounds like an Abnegation name." And with that Zeke side steps around me and continues down the dim hall. He doesn't stop by the room that I remember coming out of a few minutes ago and I have to remind myself that it's not Zeke who trains the Dauntless- borns with Lauren, its Uriah.

I take another drink from the flask before tucking it away in the side pocket of my pants. I take off my sunglasses and do the same. The light isn't as bad as it was earlier.

I glance over at Tobias. He is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, staring intently at something on the far wall.

"I'm sorry," I'm surprised by how clear and strong my voice sounds.

He shrugs, still not looking at me," It's really not a big deal."

I sigh and take a step closer to him. I'm not touching him, but I'm close to it.

He doesn't turn to me. Doesn't even acknowledge that I've moved.

I sigh again," Tobias."

He pushes himself off the wall a little and turns so he is finally facing me and mirroring my posture, leaning with one shoulder against the wall.

He looks at my seriously for a few seconds and I almost want him to go back to looking at the wall. At least then I wouldn't have to see the disappointment in his eyes.

"You could have told me that you wanted to go to the party, you know. Even if you didn't want me to go with you, you could have told me. You didn't have to lie to me." There's an edge to his voice. An edge that anybody else could mistake for anger, but I recognize as hurt.

"I know that now. I'm sorry." I watch him carefully as he runs his fingers through his Abnegation length hair. I hold on to the familiarity of his movement and closeness and let it drag me closer to sobriety. Damn, whatever Zeke gave me really is a miracle.

"I just-"he cuts himself off and looks down at his hands, which are now stuffed in his pockets.

I wait. If there's one thing I've learned after being with Tobias for a year, it's that less is more in these situations. The less I say, the better.

He takes a deep breath and looks up to meet my eyes. I can see the internal war inside his mind. He glances over his shoulder, I assume to make sure we're the only two in the hallway.

"I just," He starts, meeting my eyes again," wish you had wanted to be with me on what could have been your last night as much as I wanted to be with you on mine."

My jaw goes slack. That is not what I expected him to say.

His stare doesn't waver for a second and I end up having to look away to try to gather my thoughts.

Im glad he is opening up to me like this. But I really wish he could have chosen to do so at a time when I wasn't so damn hung-over.

"Tobias," I start, not really sure where my next statement will take me," I wanted to be with you. I just… also wanted to forget."

He lets out a laugh, but it's much too strained to sound real," I wanted to forget to. And that's why I wanted you to come over. I wanted _you _to make me forget. I wanted us to make each other forget."

His eyes are boring into mine with such intensity that I have to keep reminding myself that he's talking and that I want to hear what he has to say.

"I want to be able to do that for you," he whispers. He takes a step closer to me but im not sure if he really meant to." Because I know you are able to do that for me."

"Tobias," I let my hands find their way to his waist, hoping to translate my seriousness through touch. I quickly regret the action because it makes my thoughts even more jumbled as things I would like to do to him come to mind," I'm sorry. I didn't think about it that way. When im around you I feel so- so alive and aware. I feel awake. And all I knew yesterday was that I didn't want to feel awake. All I could think about was how much I wanted to forget."

I don't see them move, probably because im too focused on his eyes to see much of anything, but his large hands grab both sides of my face hastily and pull my lips to his.

I stay stiff as a board as my still fuzzy mind tries to process what's happening, but melt into him the second im all caught up. I focus again, on everywhere his lips touch mine and every inch of my bare skin that touches his, and am happy to find that's it's not so painful to focus. It's not so painful to do anything, actually. Like he's chasing the hangover away.

He pulls away, but I pull him back, twisting my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck and stroking his jawline with my thumb. His hands move to my hips and pull my body closer to his, which I didn't really know was possible.

He pulls away again and I let him. I feel light headed and more than a little breathless, either from the kiss or the hangover. Or maybe the combination of the two. I close my eyes and lean my forehead against his shoulder.

"So about those fear landscapes," his voice is casual but breathy. I smile at the sound.

Then his words register. The fear landscapes. The thing I had been dreading. The thing I wanted so badly to forget.

The thing I hadn't thought about once since he laid a hand on me.

I let out a pathetic excuse for a laugh and look up at him," Okay you were right."

He smiles. I love his smile. I love his eyes. I love his strength. I love him.

And I think im going to tell him.

I open my mouth, determined to say it. It feels right. He feels right.

But just before I can get the words past my teeth, he pushes me back and hold me at arm's length again. The switch had been flicked and he wasn't my loving, perfect boyfriend anymore. He was concerned instructor Four again.

"Tris," His eyes bore into mine again but not in the pleasant way they did just minutes ago," Have you gone through your landscape yet?"

I look at him blankly for a second. Have I gone through my landscape? Why would he ask such a weird question right now?

But then I realize that I don't know the answer to this question, just like I didn't know the answer to his earlier one about dancing on tables. I don't know what I did last night, and I don't know what I did this morning. Was I still drunk when I got here? Was I still drunk when I went through my landscape?

"Um..."

**Hi again **

**So I really dont have a lot to say in this authors note... **

**Oh but i do want to just kinda put it out there that i go back to school in just a little over a week so my update schedule might be changing. Im really going to try to keep updating every week but if i cant then im going to shoot for every other week. So if i miss a week sometime in the next month or ****so, just know that i probably had to change my schedule because school. **

**On a semi related note: you guys should follow me on twitter. Well, you know, if you have one. I do sometimes post things about how the update is coming and if i think it will be done in time so if you want to be in the loop you can go follow TobiasEverlark **

**And last but not least: Reveiws. Seriously, the reviews you guys leave make my day every time i read them. They really do motivate me to continue working on the chapters and posting them. They also help me to know what i'm doing well and what i need to work on which makes not only me better, it makes the story better. So thank you guys for all of them and please continue to post them and tell me what you think. I really do love reading them.**

**Until next week...**


	7. Chapter 7

"Uh…"

I feel his strong hand wrap around my bicep and everything becomes blurry and confusing as pain shoots back and forth between my temples. The dim light around me is replaced with harsh white and I realize my feet are moving beneath me. I grab clumsily for the sunglasses with the arm not restrained.

I retrieve the plastic lenses and hastily shove them onto my face just in time for Tobias to move his hand from my arm to my shoulder and shove me forcefully downward until my butt connects with a something cold and hard. I groan a little at the impact and hear him mumble a quick "sorry" before disappearing. I look down to find that im seated on one of the benches in the make-shift waiting room. I feel the heat of a body next to mine and study it in my periphery. Dark skin, unkempt hair, and a distinct "I don't even have to try" demeanor. Uriah.

I bend down a little to retrieve the flask, wincing as blood rushes to my head. I chug some more of the liquid before turning to face Uriah.

He looks like hell. His eyes are glassy and sunken back in their sockets, his face has a faint green tint as if he is about to projectile vomit, and there is a nasty bump just below his hairline on his forehead. I remember him telling me about Zeke's get together and wonder if he went. Wonder if he's hung over like me. Wonder if I look like that.

"Do you know if Tris has gone through her fear landscape yet?" Tobias asks from his spot on the opposite side of Uriah.

"Good morning to you, too. Oh, im fine, thanks for asking. Yeah, my fear landscape went great. That is, until I had an allergic reaction to the new serum and-"

"Wait," I interrupt Uriah, sitting up a little and trying to make myself seem not so messed up," Allergic reaction?"

He nods," Everything was normal at first. It felt just like it did during initiation last year, but with more panic. About halfway through my second fear things got… hot. I mean literally hot. It felt like the room was on fire. My skin started prickling and I was sweating. I could barely breathe. Then the simulation melted away. Like literally melted. Colors were blending together and voices were shouting, but I was way too busy trying to breathe to pay attention to what they were saying."

"Then what happened?" Tobias asks.

"They must have injected me with something. I felt a pinch in my arm and everything faded to black. When I resurfaced they told me they were aware that there was a possibility of something like that happening so they were prepared. Anyway, they told me that they're just going to have me go through the old simulation in a couple days."

"But why would they have you go through your fear landscape with the old serum? What do they think they'll gain from that?" I ask, taking another swig.

"Besides a chance to catch my divergence?" He lets out a curt laugh and winces," They said they just want to make sure the side effects are actually because of the serum and not just a strange reaction to fear. Whatever."

"Those things that happened to him, are they indicators of divergence? Are those the kind of things they're looking for?" Tobias asks me.

I shake my head and instantly regret it. I press the heel of my hand against my forehead again as I talk," They're looking for a fever and high blood pressure. They didn't say anything about melting simulations and mental breakdowns."

Tobias turns to Uriah again," Well then, as long as you don't screw up your regular simulation, I think you're in the clear."

"What about you guys? How did you do?" Uriah looks relieved, but still very nauseous.

"Mine went okay I think. But there's really no way to tell, I guess. It's not like they're going to shoot me right there in the room. Especially not in the middle of initiation," Tobias leans toward Uriah again," And we have no idea how Tris did."

Uriah looks at me. By the look on his face it must be the first time he's really looked at me since I sat down. His eyes scan my face skeptically, then land on the flask in my hand. "Did you-"

"We don't know." Tobias answers sternly for me.

"But if she went through," Uriah's eyes scan the room quickly and his voice drops to a whisper even though we're the only ones here," drunk, then how do we know-"

"We don't." Tobias answers again, leaning back against the wall and raising his eyes to the ceiling.

I sigh and mimic his posture. Damn booze. Damn party. If I had just gone back to Tobias' apartment with him last night I wouldn't have an upset boyfriend, a pounding headache, and an uncertain future. Damn party.

Before I can get too involved in my internal self-loathing, the door on the far side of the room, the one im like 90% sure I came through earlier when I found Tobias, opens to reveal a slender girl with multiple piercings and freshly dyed purple hair. Lauren.

And judging by the flustered look on her face, she just came out of her landscape.

"Max told me to get you guys. They want to talk to us about our landscapes. Explain how to administer them." Her voice is small and delicate, the way a girl's should be. Sometimes I find myself jealous of it. It's stupid, honestly, but I can't help it.

The three of us stand up automatically. A little too automatically. The blood rushes away from my brain when I stand and I find myself swaying uneasily until Tobias' strong hand catches mine and his arm slips around my waist to steady me. I lean into him and let the world spin around me for a second. Once I feel steady I smile up at him and he returns a half-hearted smile. I internally sigh, knowing I still have a lot of groveling to do to make up for last night, and lace our fingers together.

We follow Lauren out of the waiting room and across the hall. She leads us into the viewing room just beside the brick room. The normally near empty room is packed with equipment. Monitors, computers, syringes with a deep purple liquid in them.

And Jeanine Matthews.

I recoil the second I see her brilliantly blond hair. Every rumor, every newspaper article, every ambitious hint at rebellion slams against my skull. I release Tobias' hand and grab the flask out of my pocket again.

The six of us, me, Tobias, Uriah, Lauren, Max , and Eric, all form a semi-circle around Jeanine, her two minions, and a large machine that looks faintly like a copy machine.

Jeanine gets right to business," As you can see, the new serum requires a bit more attention than the previous one, though I think you will find that running it is more efficient and ultimately more revealing than the last one."

She turns to the machine and hits multiple buttons," Usage of the equipment is rather self-explanatory. All buttons are labeled clearly. The machine really does most of the work."

One of the minions pulls a table with a monitor on it to the center of our circle and presses the power button. As the screen comes to life, a tense and ready Tobias appears on it. I grab real life Tobias' hand and realize he's almost as tense as the one on screen.

"We filmed each of your landscapes to use as examples. You can be assured that we will delete the footage at the end of our demonstration. We will begin with Tob- Four's simulation." Jeanine sends a pointed look in his direction as she corrects herself. He stiffens even more.

On-screen Tobias begins moving. He crouches immediately and looks around at the floor. I lean against the real life version and hide my face in his shoulder. I don't want to watch. I don't want to see him so panicked.

He releases my hand and arms an arm around my shoulders, pulling my tighter against him as the on-screen version begins yelling. He must be jumping off the building.

The yelling stops and I dare to look at the screen, pressing my ear against his shoulder instead. Virtual Tobias is sitting still in the middle of the room with knees to his chest. The box. His chest rises and falls as he tries to control his heart rate. We all watch him sit there for a minute or so until relief washes over his features and he moves to stand up.

I know what will happen next. He will walk up to an invisible metal table and pick up a nonexistent gun. He will circle a poor girl that we can't see a couple times, working up his courage. Then, when he's ready, he will hold up the invisible gun and press it to her invisible forehead. He'll look away. And he'll shoot her.

But none of that happens.

Instead, on-screen Tobias drops to his knees and stares at something on the opposite side of the room. His hands are behind his back, as if tied or bound there. He looks purely mortified. It's hard to tell with the awkward angle of the camera but I think I see tears welling up in his eyes.

Real life Tobias pulls me closer and turns his head to hide his face in my hair.

I stare at the screen, confused. I don't remember this obstacle. I don't remember him breaking down like this when I went through his landscape with him almost a year ago. Annoyance grows inside of me. Why is he acting to weak? What could be so bad in his landscape that he-

The Virtual Tobias speaks. It's barely a whisper, the word barely even leaving his lips, but it rings through the small viewing room, letting the horror and brokenness inside it settle inside of each of us.

"Tris."

My eyes widen. Real Tobias takes in a sharp breath.

I'm in his fear landscape.

"No, Tris. Don't you die on me. Don't you fucking die on me, Tris. Tris!"

The image freezes. The yelling stops. Jeanine paused the footage. All eyes are on us, except for hers.

"As you can see," She starts, pointing to a series of numbers along the top of the screen that I hadn't noticed until now," His body temperature and blood pressure remained within the acceptable limits throughout the entire simulation. Though his heart rate skyrocketed multiple times, that is to be expected in a situation like this. Overall, this is an example of a near perfect fear landscape simulation."

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. They didn't see anything wrong with his landscape. They didn't see he was divergent. He is safe. Tobias is safe.

But the knot in my stomach doesn't go away.

I feel him sigh with relief into my hair. I wrap my arm around his waist and give him a little squeeze, telling him to pull himself together. He pulls back from my hair and looks down at me. I nod at him, telling him we will talk about the simulation later and he returns the nod.

"Next," both our heads snap to look a Jeanine who is standing behind the screen again," We will be watching Tris' landscape."

It only takes a second for the image in the monitor to switch from Tobias' kneeling body to my standing one. My knees are bent on the screen, ready to attack, but my face is slack and my eyes seemed glassed over and distant. Drunk.

Someone presses play and I begin to move.

**Howdy.**

**So first things first, I noticed that the response to Chapter 6 was a little... weak. And I totally understand because it was kinda a weird chapter like I was trying to make Tris sound dazed and confused without loosing too much of the story line in the process and I dont know it just didn't come out the way I wanted it to but I dont know how else to do it so im just going to leave it and hopefully I can make up for a not so fabulous chapter sometime in the near future. Sorry about that.**

**Kay. Secondly, I just want to remind you guys that I start school in like 2 days so next week's update... might not come. Im not totally sure how my schedule will look for the weekend but im really going to try to keep updating every week but If I miss a week just know that I will definitely update the next week and ill probably apologize for the rest of my life about it so yeah. **

**Finally, thank you guys for reading this story and posting reviews. I know I say it a lot but I dont think you guys understand how amazing it is to get this kind of response to my writing. Like I have posted stories for other fandoms on other sites in the past and have never gotten so many amazing readers who leave sweet comments and tell me straight up how they feel about the story. I really love writing and I really love divergent and the fact that I can combine the two and get such a positive response is just amazing so please keep the reviews coming because I really want to know what you guys think.**

**And again... if you want to be in the loop on when ill be updating and how the chapters are coming you can follow me on twitter (TobiasEverlark) and I follow back all Divergent accounts so yeah.**

**Until next week (Hopefully...)! **


	8. Chapter 8

I cover my ears with my palms in an attempt to drown out the screams of the middle aged woman on the monitor in front of me. I glance over at Tobias. He stands in front of the copy-machine-ish thing in the corner. His eyes are distant as he stares directly at the wall in front of him. His jaw clenches and unclenches in reaction to whatever unseen obstacles he is witnessing through the woman's eyes. Her screams stop abruptly and I look back at my monitor. The woman lays in a broken heap on the floor for a few menacing seconds before she forces herself to stand on wobbly legs. All the numbers at the top of the screen stayed within the normal range throughout the entire simulation. She is not divergent.

I hear the click of metal on metal as Tobias sets down the wires that just seconds ago allowed him to see into the brain of a complete stranger. He wipes his forehead, as if he had worked up a sweat standing completely still and staring at a wall for half an hour, and types something into the computer to his left.

Lauren and Uriah were kind enough to take our initiates for the job, seeing as surveillance of the new serum requires two people and Tobias and I clearly needed some time alone after the whole everyone watching him watch me die in his fear simulation thing.

We've been at it for hours now and we've only tested a handful of people. I have to keep reminding myself that not everyone gets through their worst fears in less than 5 minutes. Max's 10-15 minute private lectures with each of the members between landscapes isn't making the process any faster either.

I know the day must be close to over. We should be released to go to the dining hall in the next hour or so and we haven't encountered one divergent. I know it's rare and all, but the lack of complications is making me feel uneasy.

"Maybe the serum doesn't work," I comment absently as I stare at the stack of deep purple syringes," Maybe they're triggering the wrong part of the brain or something."

Tobias tossed a water bottle from the table in the back of the room in my direction," Are the Eruite ever wrong? Drink up. It's important to stay hydrated when nursing a hangover."

I untwist the top without objection, though all the cloudiness from earlier wore off a couple hours ago." They were wrong about us."

He nods," I've been wondering about that. See, they didn't catch Uriah because his allergic reaction made them cut his simulation short. And the alcohol in your system slowed your body down enough that your numbers didn't spike. But, why wasn't I caught? Why didn't it detect my divergence?"

I finish chugging my water bottle and toss it toward the trashcan in the corner of the room. It misses by about 3 feet. Figures.

"Which leads me back to the serum not working," I suggest again.

He shakes his head," Let's go with the assumption that it does."

I shrug," Maybe you're just too good to be detected."

"I'm serious, Tris."

"So am I. I mean, you're a Dauntless prodigy. Four fears is unheard of. Maybe your brain just works differently during fear landscapes. Maybe it can't be manipulated as easily. It's like a super power."

He chuckles dryly and begins walking in my direction," Another divergent super power?"

I shake my head and lean closer to him as he leans his forearms against the back of the chair beside the one im seated in," A Tobias super power."

Our eyes meet, and I almost think he's going to kiss me, but then he sighs loudly and shifts his eyes to the ground," If I had super powers, I wouldn't have been such a coward in my landscape earlier."

I shake my head again, automatically this time," You weren't a coward. You were a little rude to simulation me, but you weren't a coward, okay? You were caught off-guard. Your landscape has been exactly the same for 3 years and suddenly it changes on you. You couldn't have known that was coming."

He continues to stare at the ground.

"Wait, you didn't know it would change, did you?"

He shrugs," I guess I suspected that something like that would make its way in there eventually. Not that it made seeing you like that any easier."

I slide myself into the chair he's leaning against and rest my hands on the open space on the seat back between his arms. No part of us is touching. The air feels heavy, like before a lighting storm comes through.

"Tell me about it," I say softly.

He shakes his head, still looking at the ground.

I move one of my hands so that it rests lightly in his forearm and wait for him to look up at me. When he does, I whisper," Please."

We stare at each other for an endless second. He eventually sighs and moves to sit in the seat I previously occupied. His eyes rest on the monitor in front of him and I glance at it, too. In the room next door, Max is gesturing broadly as he goes on and on about the benefits of the new serum. A boy, maybe a year older than me, watches him wearily. He doesn't seem too interested in the words, and is probably frightened by the intensity with which Max talks. They all are. I estimate that we still have close to 10 minutes before the next landscape will start.

"I was tied-no, it was more like chained- to something. I didn't pay a lot of attention to what exactly I was chained to, but that really wasn't important," his voice, low and shaky, drew my attention away from the screen," Whatever it was, there was no way I was going to get away. I knew I was stuck right where I was. Knew I was useless.

"You were chained to the opposite wall. The shackles were covered in your-" his voice cracks on the word and he has to clear his throat multiple times. I let myself scoot closer to him, contemplating what the best form of comfort in this situation would be.

"Anyway, the cuffs were too tight and there were streaks of red running down your arm from where they broke the skin."

A hand grabs my wrist and pulls it toward him. He make two slash marks on the inside of it, indicating the open wounds he had speculated about.

"That wasn't the worst of it though. There were bruises visible underneath the red. They were all different colors, showing all different stages of healing. I remember wondering how long you had been there. How long you had suffered.

"Your clothes were ripped in places. Places that made my skin crawl. Places that made my hands shake. Your voice ran through my head. From when you were in my apartment after Peter and Al attacked you. 'They touched me.' You kept saying 'They touched me.' My eyes burned, not just from the memory, but from what I knew was true. They did horrible things to you. Whoever they were.

"The skin exposed by your torn clothing was also adorned with bruises. Along your rib cage. Down your thighs."

He runs a hand over the places named, possibly to remind himself that im not broken and that the wounds aren't there. I shiver at the contact. Thoughts run through my mind. So many thoughts coning so fast and absolutely none of them have to do with the words coming out of his mouth.

_Stupid,_ I scold myself, _focus on his words. Now is not the time to be a hormonal girl._

But his hands are still running along my body. Dammit.

"I was staring intently at a cut on your lower stomach that ran almost the entire width of your body, trying to gauge just how fatal on a scale of 1-10 it could be, when you spoke."

He presses his entire palm against my abdomen. Just like he did during initiation a year ago. I squirm, suddenly feeling that the room is too small and too hot and yet not small not hot enough. Desire settles on me like a layer of sweat and I try not to wince at the feeling.

"You said my name. You weren't calling to me, or even acknowledging my presence. You just said my name. So simply, so quietly and yet it echoed through my entire body for what felt like an eternity. Your voice cracked on the 'I' sound and the 's' sounded more like a hiss than a letter, but it was my name. So I said your name. I don't remember deciding to, but I did."

I place my hand over his on my stomach and he raises his eyes to mine for the first time since he started talking.

"You heard me. Your head moved. You looked directly at me. I hadn't seen your face before then. I just knew it was you. But you looked at me and…"

He moves his hand up to my face and I let my hand slide down his arm, not wanting to break our contact.

"Black eye. Bruises jaw. Busted lip."

He ran his thumb over each feature as he listed them. It hesitates at the corner of my lips.

"There was a line of-"He swallows," blood coming out of your mouth."

He lets his finger trace a path from my lips to my chin.

"Hey," I whisper," you can stop. Okay, you don't have to-"

He shakes his head," Your eyes were tired, glassy…miserable. But they seemed to brighten as you watched me. I almost thought you were gonna smile.

"You spoke again. 'Tobias, you're here to save me.' My throat went dry. I couldn't save you. I would have given anything, everything, to save you. But I couldn't. I knew I couldn't.

"You looked at the chains or whatever was binding me and frowned. You must have come to the same conclusion. I couldn't save you.

"You looked into my eyes again. You seemed worried. Not about you impending death or the pain that must have been ripping through your body, but about me. You were worried about me. I remember thinking that that was such a Tris thing to do, worry about me while chained to a wall and covered in your own blood, and I almost laughed about it.

"But your eyes started changing then. Fading. You opened your mouth, like you were going to say one more thing to me, but didn't have the strength.

"I watched the life drain out of your eyes slowly, but entirely too quickly. All your muscles relaxed and your head felt to the side. Your eyes were open. Your mouth was, too.

"That's when I started yelling. I don't know how long I stayed in there, just kneeling down and yelling. Screaming, almost. Jeanine was merciful. She paused the video before things got too out of hand. I'll have to thank her for that later."

He pulls his hand back from where he had set it on my cheek and runs it through his hair," She didn't show my dad either. Something I'm also thankful for."

We both sit in weighted silence for a few seconds. I reach for his hand and lace our fingers together, thinking we both needed the comfort. We didn't move. We just sat together, lost in our individual thoughts.

It takes a couple minutes, but I finally find words that feel appropriate.

"Tobias," I mumble, then I wait for him to look at me.

He turns slowly, meeting my eyes. He looks lighter, like the weight on his shoulders had finally lifted. And I smile a little thinking about the fact that he let me take some of the weight.

I open my mouth to speak but the door on the far side of the room slams open abruptly. Eric charges into the room, barely tossing a glace in our direction. He stands directly in front of the window into the landscape room and folds his arms across his chest.

"Look alive, Stiffs. The next simulation is about to start, and if my suspicions are correct, it's going to be a very interesting one." He doesn't look at us as he talks. Just stares through the window.

Tobias looks at me, expecting me to finish what I was saying, but I just shake my head. I don't want Eric to hear it. It's meant to be said in private.

He understands this. As he stands up and starts moving toward his station, he mouths 'later' and winks at me. I smile and nod in response. Later will work. I'll tell him later.

I watch his carefully as he reattaches the wires to his temples. I think about his hand on my face, on my stomach, running down my thigh.

_Later,_ I smile a little to myself, _I'll just tell him later._

**Hey. Its me again.**

**So as you can see I was able to get a chapter together to update today, but honestly, this chapter wrote itself. Like I haven't had this easy of a time writing a chapter for this story in a while. And im actually pretty proud of this one. I think its my favorite one in a while and I really hope you guys liked it.**

**Along similar lines, im really hoping next week's update flows as naturally as this one did so I can continue to update every week, but, as ive said for the last like 3 chapters, no promises. School may have just started but we hit the ground running so I don't know what my schedule is going to look like most of the time. **

**And, not to sound like a broken record, but thanks again for all the amazing reviews and please keep them coming! I practically fangirl when I see a new comment. I love reading them. And I need all the motivation I can get to update as often as possible. **

**And lastly, sorry if any of this little authors note thing doesn't make sense because im trying to post this before I go to school and wow its early.**

**ta-ta for now.**


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